3 posts from 2009

So yeah, how you all doin'?

Rundown of the past month.....go:
1. Started talking to Erin again....expecting the worst, but hoping for the best.
2. I wont $10,000 on a $2 scratch ticket.
3. I quit my job.
  3a. I had a reason!
4. I got a new job....a legit full time job.
5. I will be buying my own car in like 3 weeks
6. I made up a simple combo to make you really happy and then not remember a thing for like hours:
    - 700ml of Southern Comfort, room temp.
    - 3 double-shot glasses
    - 1 glass pipe or bong
    - lighter
    - 1 gram of weed
    - Ice cold beer
    - Trash bag, just in case.

INSTRUCTIONS:
    1. Pour out 3 SoCo shots, pack the bowl, and open a beer
    2. Take a shot of SoCo
    3. Hit the pipe as long and hard as you can
    4. DO NOT EXHALE
    5. Take another shot of SoCo
    6. Chug a beer
    7. EXHALE
    8. Take the final shot of soCo
    9. Black out =]

Apparently I was blacked out within 20 minutes, and last thing i remember was making fun of my friend for not keeping up and then vomiting before I finished my sentence. I basically don't remember anything from 1030ish till I woke up this morning.

1116091844

NEVER imagined myself saying this, but...I'm in Detox!
Not court ordered or anything, purely self motivated...just a temporary thing for now, but maybe permanent. I have something coming up that's kinda big for me, and could make A LOT of things better in my life, and bring in an obscene amount of money at an hourly rate.

...just gotta pass the drug test...

I'm a fairly scrawny person, with low body fat % (below normal), so there isn't much fat cells (even natural ones blah blah blah fuck off) for certain things to hide in. Also, due to my low weight and fat, it doesn't take as much of __(insert drug here)__ to fuck me up...so it dissipates faster within my system. I'll pretty much do whatever you put in front of me, minus heroin. I bought a home kit to test myself, and it came out negative on everything, but very weak negative...there's not much I can really do between now and then, aside from stay clean. Day 4 and it's already one of the harder things I've had to do.

Erin and I broke up a while back, and it's been...rough. I'm confident that I'm over her, if not, I'm 'prolly 80% over her...I get really panicked if I see her drive by me and have to pull over and puke or catch my breath, or when she calls me for some reason or another I fumble my words and can't form a logical sentence....but it's just what she does to me now. It's been a week to week fight to get my personal things back, when really the only thing I NEED to have back is a blanket she has of mine that my Grandmother knitted before she passed away...it means a lot to me.

I've met this girl right at the end of Erin and I (I knew it was coming somehow), she's wicked fucking nice. Cute too. Just....doesn't seem like it'll work, but I think we both wanna try it out. She comes into my work like 3 times a week, it makes the day a bit brighter. If anything, I'd LOVE to keep her as a friend, if shit doesn't work out (assuming we give it a try). It's not a rebound, before you think that. I already had my rebounds, haha!

Any ways, it's been a while....like a long fucking while. I don't think I even have any followers anymore, not that it really matters to me, this is mostly just a place I come to verbally vomit and have emotional diarrhea (what an ugly looking word).

Till next time,
               | X |

MyPhoto-091019-04

Greetings old friend, it hath been many a moon sine I posted.

I am still with Erin.
She got arrested on Easter for some bullshit against me, which wasn't supposed to happen.
Now we have court on the 22nd.
I tried to kill myself a little while ago, OD'd on some stuff (bottle of vodka, 60 bucks worth of weed, 6 vicdoin, 2 and a half xanax snorted, and 2 OC's snorted). Then in my angusih of beiung so fucked up I sliced my wrists and arms down deep.
I was kicked out of my house "permanently" 2 weeks ago, because of a huge argument with my parents. I ended up punching out some windows and the glass storm door on the front of my house on my way out and was arrested shortly after, then spent the night handcuffed to a hospital bed (from about 2am to 10am-ish) before I was discharged. They had to "determine if I was a danger to myself or the general public." But my parents let me come back home on a "trial basis" after a week of being gone.
I am ordered by the hospital to get into therapy (they actually set it all up) and my first session is on the 8th. Fucking head shrinkers.

Oh, I also was let go from my clothing store job, now I work at a sub shop at a 4 dollar pay cut, making minimum wage and I cant even afford my cellphone bill. Thank god I don't have a fucking car, I wouldn't be able to afford to drive it. I can;t even get a second job, nobody is hiring.

(Me, Erin and I. She's not that tall, she's standing on top of a rock and I am not)

I am thinking about VLogging or something, it's so much easier than typing, and I am lazy goddamnit.