xgxh’s blog

NEVER imagined myself saying this, but...I'm in Detox!
Not court ordered or anything, purely self motivated...just a temporary thing for now, but maybe permanent. I have something coming up that's kinda big for me, and could make A LOT of things better in my life, and bring in an obscene amount of money at an hourly rate.

...just gotta pass the drug test...

I'm a fairly scrawny person, with low body fat % (below normal), so there isn't much fat cells (even natural ones blah blah blah fuck off) for certain things to hide in. Also, due to my low weight and fat, it doesn't take as much of __(insert drug here)__ to fuck me up...so it dissipates faster within my system. I'll pretty much do whatever you put in front of me, minus heroin. I bought a home kit to test myself, and it came out negative on everything, but very weak negative...there's not much I can really do between now and then, aside from stay clean. Day 4 and it's already one of the harder things I've had to do.

Erin and I broke up a while back, and it's been...rough. I'm confident that I'm over her, if not, I'm 'prolly 80% over her...I get really panicked if I see her drive by me and have to pull over and puke or catch my breath, or when she calls me for some reason or another I fumble my words and can't form a logical sentence....but it's just what she does to me now. It's been a week to week fight to get my personal things back, when really the only thing I NEED to have back is a blanket she has of mine that my Grandmother knitted before she passed away...it means a lot to me.

I've met this girl right at the end of Erin and I (I knew it was coming somehow), she's wicked fucking nice. Cute too. Just....doesn't seem like it'll work, but I think we both wanna try it out. She comes into my work like 3 times a week, it makes the day a bit brighter. If anything, I'd LOVE to keep her as a friend, if shit doesn't work out (assuming we give it a try). It's not a rebound, before you think that. I already had my rebounds, haha!

Any ways, it's been a while....like a long fucking while. I don't think I even have any followers anymore, not that it really matters to me, this is mostly just a place I come to verbally vomit and have emotional diarrhea (what an ugly looking word).

Till next time,
               | X |

MyPhoto-091019-04

Greetings old friend, it hath been many a moon sine I posted.

I am still with Erin.
She got arrested on Easter for some bullshit against me, which wasn't supposed to happen.
Now we have court on the 22nd.
I tried to kill myself a little while ago, OD'd on some stuff (bottle of vodka, 60 bucks worth of weed, 6 vicdoin, 2 and a half xanax snorted, and 2 OC's snorted). Then in my angusih of beiung so fucked up I sliced my wrists and arms down deep.
I was kicked out of my house "permanently" 2 weeks ago, because of a huge argument with my parents. I ended up punching out some windows and the glass storm door on the front of my house on my way out and was arrested shortly after, then spent the night handcuffed to a hospital bed (from about 2am to 10am-ish) before I was discharged. They had to "determine if I was a danger to myself or the general public." But my parents let me come back home on a "trial basis" after a week of being gone.
I am ordered by the hospital to get into therapy (they actually set it all up) and my first session is on the 8th. Fucking head shrinkers.

Oh, I also was let go from my clothing store job, now I work at a sub shop at a 4 dollar pay cut, making minimum wage and I cant even afford my cellphone bill. Thank god I don't have a fucking car, I wouldn't be able to afford to drive it. I can;t even get a second job, nobody is hiring.

(Me, Erin and I. She's not that tall, she's standing on top of a rock and I am not)

I am thinking about VLogging or something, it's so much easier than typing, and I am lazy goddamnit.

Hi! It's been too long!

It's been so long, I actually have nothing to talk about!

Seriously...go away. There isn't anything to read here.

I am still with Erin, and I like her lots. Oh, and last weekend I put a knife through my middle finger. I laughed, and felt like a dumbass. Other than that...no news.

1

So, for those of you who know me via blogging (the whole two of you....), you've heard me talk about 2 girls; Hannah and Sarah. Well, Hannah way back got a new job and never tried talking to me even when I tried to get to her. Sarah...she's great, but she just doesn't have "IT". What is "IT"I don't know. Maybe she does have "IT" but I just don't know it. I harbour no ill feelings for/against her, it was always a blast with her.

I just met this girl, she works with me, and daaaamn she's cute. We ended up hanging out and it just felt like something....clicked? We have little quirks about us that we love. We can just chill out and cuddle up and just be there, and not care (last night we curled up in her car to stay warm while listening to Mitch Hedberg's last comedy album. She loved it). We both know every word to almost every Eminem song, and can sing Vanilla Ice's 'Ice Ice Baby' no problem. When we look at eachother we just smile, every time. She's truely gorgeous. Like, "I am not worthy to have her" gorgeous. She's an inch or so taller than me (so she's ~5'9), brownish hair, lip pierced (see pic for example), a really sick lookin' bird tattooed on her left arm/shoulder, and a horse on the back or her right calf. 'Yes, yes, but what about her eyes?' I hear you ask! Well! I shall tell you of the eyes! I CAN'T! They are so odd! They are like green, but with a like...orangy ring around her puples! It's like staring into a fire. It's so beautful.

So this is what her lip peircing looks like, note it's not her...I am not gonna post a pic of her on here - that'd be awkward. Anyhow, this pic is the album cover for Escape the Fate's 'Dying is Your Latest Fasion'.

Escape-the-fate

High temp, over 100*F
Headache in the center of my head
really tired (slept all day, over tired?)
sore throat
phlegm filled cough
BORED AS FUCK.

mother says allergies.

All kidding aside, getting hit by a car really hurts.

Long story short, I was hit (blind sided, i guess) by a kid in a car today. I was riding my bike on a cross walk, he was coming at my left, and was looking to his left, so he couldn't see me head on. He didn't stop because there were no cars around (we have right on red, so he could have gone AFTER he checked his surroundings) and didn't see me until I was on the hood of his car, sliding up his windshield. Then I landed. I was okay, he was fine, we made nice, and left. Then I called the cops. A bit too late, eh? Haha. Oh well. Learned my lesson there.

I honestly didn't even know it happened until I was about to hit the ground. His car took my bike out from under me and threw it into the intersection, while I slammed into the hood of his car, then I rolled up his windshield and then off over the driver side door, then onto the ground.

Damage - Car:
V shaped dent in the hood from my body
Chunk of bumper missing
Lots of paint transfer from my bike to his bumper and hood
Scuff marks and scratches from my backpack and shoes

Damage - bike:
Shattered left pedal
Seat + post ripped from the bike
Lots of paint loss and scratches from the car / pavement

Damage - me:
Really achy legs arms and back
Small headache (like when you bump your head)
Left foot hurts
Left shoulder hurts from slamming into the hood + windshield

I did not cry, I did not scream. I just made a funny noise as the wind was knocked out of me when I hit the ground.

When I was asked if I was okay, honestly, I touched my head ,my chest, wiggled my fingers, and grabbed my dick..."Yeah, the important things are all good."

I stopped at the sub shop I was going to (about 2 minutes from where I was hit) on my way home from work, and all I could say was "holy fuck". I told my tale to the guys (and girl) there, got fr e food, and we looked at my bike to see what the damage was.
 

Sitting here playing Scrabble with my family.
I really want to shove this fucking tile holder down my mothers' throat.
20 years old, I think I know how to play fucking scrabble. I don't need you to tell me what I should have done, or I should have played "star" off something other than the "k" to make "stark".
And then you gawk at me as I just played "wizards" on the triple word and double letter squares.
[4+1+10+(1x2)+1+2+1]x3 = 63 points.
Suck it mom.

4i3c5mb

Today was yet another good day.
Seems my only good days are days involving Sarah and/or pot.
I spent some nice time with Sarah today...man, why does she live so far away!? =[

Side note, COPS SUCK.
Getting patted down makes me giggle, I am very ticklish.
Being high as fuck doesn't help much either.

Girls_With_Guns_05_by_r4di0fly3r

Seriously, why has it rained almost 3-4 times a week this summer? It's fucking pissing me off. I remember the summer where it rarely rained, or thunder stormed! T-Storms have happened so much this summer, I didn't even realize it was thundering and lightning yesterday when I was outside with some friends. I am so fuckin' siiiick of the rain. It's not like an all day drizzle, it's like, a half day long DOWNPOUR. Late last week, I was standing inside work watching the flooded parking lot water wash up to the sidewalk and to the front door like I was at the fucking beach. Wtf, for real?!

It's gotten to the point where I am not even cautious of it maybe killing me. If I was working on unloading a truck at work, we'd wait till the lightning was gone before we climbed into a wet, mostly metal, 18 wheeler trailer. Friday, Chuck and I were like "meh...whatever", and still climbed in there and started unloading.

Does New England have a sign over us this year saying "GOD! HEY GOD! YEAH, PISS HERE ALL YEAR!"

1217951269044

"Chance of rain 50%"

I love when the weather channel says things like this.
It's like saying "Yeah, it might rain, it might not. Roll the dice."